Davidson's Wholesale Retraction

            Today at school one of my Students came by my Office, which is pretty darn Odd considering that it’s only Week Three. The young Woman strutted in like she owned the Place: “So, word on the street is that you love Mitt Romney.” Turns out that she’s pretty Sharp and knows how to use Google and read my previous Blog entry.  Well, at least she’s reading some high quality Prose in her spare Time. 

Anyhow, the whole Experience got me thinking. Should I, as a molder of youngish Minds, publically express political Opinions?  Maybe not.  I do like Students to work through their Ideas for themselves, and Lord knows I held some knuckleheaded Beliefs in my early 20s, beliefs that I would still hold had some Adult tried to convince me that I was Wrong.

In addition, I began to think that I might be hurting some of my Conservative Friend’s feelings.  Yeah, crazy: I have some conservative Friends, a fact more shocking than that I have conservative Family…coz you know what they say about picking Friends and Family.  And, of course, my Intention had been anything but to Offend.  I merely wanted to promote the Notion that ultimately a Liberal could consider Mitt Romney just as undesirable a President as Newt Gingrich.  I was attempting to lend Peace to the Fringe of the GOP base. Still, in comparing the later to Satan and the former to Jeffrey Dahmer, I may have jumped the shark so to speak.  As a result, I offer the following Retraction:

Firstly, Newt Gingrich is not Satan; he is clearly a Mortal Man no better than the Least among us.  I mean one would have to be quite Mortal in order to pursue Impeachment of President Clinton for the Monica Lewinsky Affair whilst as the same time cheating on one’s second Wife with one’s third Wife.  But of course, the prosecution of President Clinton had nothing at all to do with sexual mores or appealing to values voters: Gingrich came after Clinton because he lied to a Federal Investigator, Kenneth Starr. Does anyone know why Starr was Investigating the President's personal Life?  Hmm...  Anyway, lying to a Special Prosecutor is pretty bad.  Clinton had said that he didn’t have Sex with Lewinsky.  But he kinda didn't have sex with Lewinsky; I mean, Sex involves placing one’s…  Well you get the point.  But still, that Impeachment had Nothing at all to do with Sex.  Just like calling Barack Obama the "Entertainer in Chief" or the "Food Stamp President" and offering to visit the NAACP to offer them Jobs instead of Food Stamps has nothing to do with Race.  Nothing at all…

Secondly, Mitt Romney is not only NOT a serial Killer: he’s not even a more mundane form of Sociopath.  He believes in Stuff.  You know, like stuff with Values and Principles and stuff.  In fact, he’s so wrapped up in Values that he donated more Money to his Religion – the Mormon Church – than he paid in Taxes last year…and that’s not a joke about Mitt not paying his fair share.  Mitt Romney gave more than one million dollars to the Mormon Church last year. You see: he has Values.  Good old fashion Christian Values.  You know, like believing the Second Coming has already happened…here in America.  You see Joseph Smith found these gold tablets and...well…never mind.  Anyhow, the Mormons believe in good old fashion values, Paternalistic Values, a Father centered family…if you know what I mean.  And some of those Fathers – most of which have only one Wife despite what you’ve heard – get to become Church Elders.  And they even allowed African Americans to serve as Elders as far back as the Dawn of the Civil Rights Movement…way back in 1978. And these Elders are great men: some of them have even heard of Feminism. And then they’ve some really core American beliefs involving Missionary work and Alcohol and Caffeine and...Underwear….  So, Mitt is clearly no Sociopath: he’s a Man of good old fashioned American Mormon Values.

In sum, I apologize to my Students, my Friends of all Parties and Factions, my Family, and, most of all, the Candidates themselves.  I should not have besmirched your Honor nor descended into Name-Calling.  I’m very sorry. I only wish the Candidates could be so Contrite.  Did you hear that Newt did not concede Florida? did not call Mitt to congratulate him on his Victory? in fact that he did just about everything he could to aver that he was in the Race until the Bitter End?  Can you say third party bid, Newt?  This is gonna be great!